Slam Poem- Part Three: The Recovery

It’s so hard for me to let him 
love me the way I ought to be loved
You’ve gone and destroyed every
sense of my security and trust
I refuse to let you have a hold
on this relationship I have found
so I cleanse and I detox
and trash all of your belongings
that I've hoarded, 
so I can have this man who will 
do anything to help me move forward.  


So, I offer this last breath
by wishing you well, 
but please don’t bother 
to call or to dwell
because I will have evolved
past you, and it's way
past due for me to 
start a new, fresh from you.


Now, I’ll learn, with time, to let go
and I'll reinstall
the doorways through my walls, 
and I'll allow myself to fall
madly in love with a man who
has invested in me because
he cherishes me and sees in me
what I stopped seeing in myself
when I was with you.

Slam Poem- Part Two: The Battle

Somewhere along this road

I lost my original perspective,

my heart lost sight of

what is no longer authentic.

Instead I was desperate

to be held by your thread

to have the opportunity to

sleep with perfection.

I can no longer be convinced

that we aren’t falling apart

when I find that you

are no longer present

even when we aren’t apart.

You say it’s my fault,

well, say what you want,

because honestly

I’ve exhausted my options,

and you condescendingly laugh

and tell me I’ve lost it.

But, I no longer feel defenseless

to your offenses,

it’s my turn now to be

on the offensive.

I don’t accept your apologies

They’re empty and misleading.

As I turn around

to walk away in defeat,

I want you to know I would have

stood by you through anything…
I, alone, could have made you happy,

but you got greedy,

so know it’s your deceit

that has forced me to retreat.

Slam Poem- Part One: Protect Myself

I need to be re-re-

reassured

that you won’t step

into my future only

to burn the fuse

of what makes me

insecure.

The last thing my

heart and soul

need, is another

temporary visitor.

So, I like to test the waters,

and double check

the temperatures

to make sure

that u wont sit and fester

before you boil over

and rupture,  

only to create

your craters

on the surface

of my heart to

leave that mark so

everybody will know

I've been a target

to this ruthless thing

called love.

Nothing Else to Say

Except,

all I have right now

are the sounds of our memories

that you are muffling

between your fingers.

Please, won’t you

let them breathe and live again.

I See Him and I Want You

I don't want someone who looks at me 

the way he looks at her. 

I don't want someone who talks to me

the way he talks to her.

I don't want someone who breathes

his spirituality only to

live in immorality.

I don’t need someone to provide

me with materials,

but fail to acknowledge

my emotions.

I see the way he awakens the fear

in her eyes, 

and the way he wears his disguise.

I notice the way she trembles

in his presence,

and the way she begs for his attention.

I would live each day in solitude

to escape a life with someone like him.

I feel the tension between their bodies,

and the lack of affection in their touch.

I sense the way she hides her disgust,

as he tries to cover up his tracks.

I don’t want to be lonely both

when he leaves in the morning and

when he returns in the evening.

I don’t want someone who looks at me

the way he looks at her.

I don’t want someone who talks to me

the way he talks to her.

I want you.

For You, Love

I feel your tears,

drip, drip,

as they one by one

fall into my hands.

I wish I could dig up your pain,

shovel in, shovel out,

and place it on my back,

even if for one day,

so you can feel the joy

of being able to stand

up straight.

Living through you

makes my heart

unbearably ache,

to watch you

find comfort in

being fake,

so it's bearable for you

to live day by day.

I cry, I scream out

because this is so unfair.

You catch my eye,

and smile and say:

"Oh honey, I know

I can't make it actually go away,

but I've convinced myself

that I'm nothing but okay

so tell your pretty little heart

not to worry."

Honestly Don't Know

Truth is, 

I'm positively terrified, 

and it seems to me, 

like there's something

always catching my eye, 

distracting me, pulling me away 

from what I thought

were my heart's desires.

Truth is, 

I can't hear anything

but the sound of my 

heart beat, 

because I can't seem to see

anything that's laid out

in front of me, 
and I have absolutely 
no idea where this will lead
or what any of it 
will ever come to mean.

So who knows, 

if I'll reach that place

where I told you I'd go, 

or if I'll have anything to show

for this road I have chosen.

Not Forgiven, Not Forgotten

I accept I’ve been a fool, and

I admit I’ve let you down, 

but no matter how much I try

to find my own forgiveness,

the punishment and the doubt

you hand me on a silver platter

will always beat me to the ground.

I’ve made too many mistakes in the past,

I’ve torn you apart and made you crash,

but I’ve grown into a better version of me, 

and though you try to admit that’s what you now see,

you haven’t been able to forget,

or better yet forgive me.

So, it won’t matter if I never cry another tear,

or say another word, or if I learn to hide away my fears.

It won’t matter if I smile all the time,

or look you directly in your eyes.

Nothing will change the way that you see me,

the thoughts that you pretend you don’t always have,

or the fact that we no longer have shared a laugh.

I’m walking on eggshells around you,

and I convince myself I deserve to,

because honestly, its how I’ve made you feel.

So what goes around is coming back around

but I cant help but feel like it wont even matter

if I continue to keep trying my very hardest,

because you see me for who I used to be

and it’s my fault, I’ve broken you, and I’ve lost.

I accept I’ve been a fool,

I admit I have let you down,

but I’m begging you to stop punishing me, 

and throwing my efforts into the ground.

I can be exactly who I am today,

and no matter what,

you will always see me as I was yesterday.

Crossroads- Series of Haikus

(Confused)

I have no way of

knowing if I am making

the choice meant for me

(Lost)

Every angle

I turn, there seems to be some-

thing calling for me

(Overwhelmed)

The pressure surround-

ing me is unbearably

heavy on my chest

(Misdirected)

I feel as though I

keep being lead back to the

very beginning

(Acceptance)

I must stop fighting

the current I am swimming

with to be at peace

(Faith)

There is something out

there waiting for me to take

it back to my home

(Life)

I don't know what's in 

store for me, but there's a plan 

with my name on it

Wealth Isn't Just Money

The wealth I aspire for

cant be counted with numbers.

For me, it’s a matter of making music

in the loudest rumbles

of peoples thunder,

and I wonder

if you’ll ever understand

that the longer

you chase the money,

the bigger of a monster you

become,

and I want

for you to realize that enough

for me is being able to touch

the lives of others,

so judge me and

think less of me,

but the best for me

is helping put to rest

the problems that others

are tested with.

For everyone’s brought in

this world, some with more

than others, for sure,

and it’s my priority

to use my passion to

responsibly

tend to those

who require and desire

the wealth I have to share

and hopefully in my lifetime

I can begin to help repair

even the smallest

of the tears that

people like you

have selfishly ignored.